so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
