hell yes lets make some ravioli
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
