Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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