please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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