if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
