I hate your face
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
