I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
