Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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