God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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