i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
