and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
