Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
