I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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