Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
