so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
