Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
