I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
