He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
