k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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