grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
