omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
