after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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