Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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