The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
