Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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