so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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