You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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