I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
