She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
