he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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