I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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