You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
