you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
