Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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