So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
