You're my little dorito
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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