a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
