I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
dude. I can hear the air.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
