You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
