I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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