@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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