hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize