we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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