I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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