distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This house was built for laser tag.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
