Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
