Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it penis luge time yet?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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