wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
