so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
