So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
