I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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