I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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