Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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