he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
