sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
