...so i touched it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
