Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
