As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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