I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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