she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
