I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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