just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do vagina's smell?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
