As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
