That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
