Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
