I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
