I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
