When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize