Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
