After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
