weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize