you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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