We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
