I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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