I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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