Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
