So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
