weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
